Jillian Fortin is your friend, your sister, your daughter, your confidante, your neighbor, your colleague, your search engine marketing project coordinator, your violin teacher, your spelling checker, your in-house writer (and I won't go on strike), your loved one, or your worst nightmare. Jillian Fortin is random. Jillian Fortin is the epitome of silly. Jillian Fortin is wonderful in small doses. Jillian Fortin is even better in large ones. Jillian Fortin is an enigma... who wears her heart on her sleeve. Jillian Fortin is trouble.

Jillian Fortin's Best Features

I love. I listen. I learn. I adapt. I pay attention to detail. I appreciate everything that has been done in effort but understand that there is always room for improvement. I like to plan ahead.

Jillian Fortin's Worst Features

I sometimes forget to trust the One who taught me how to be strong in the first place. I ramble. I doubt myself. I don't call myself beautiful enough.

You always said I was a good writer, Ash. You always came to me first when you wanted someone to look over your papers and you would rant and rave about my suggestions (although I didn't understand why). But now, I find myself at a loss for words, typing this to you. I guess it's because I don't believe that you're gone, even though I'm the one that should be the most sure of it. I guess it's because I figure that I'm going to wake up from this nightmare, warm in my bed at UC and hearing you knock on my door, asking me if I'd like to take a run to McDonald's with you. I guess it's because I can't believe how this can be real... any of it...

I miss you so damn much, Ashley. Words can't express how confused I am, how scared I feel. I don't know what to do, how to act. I don't know if I'm being strong enough, I don't know what I'm expected to do. I don't know what I don't know how to make sense of what, I have no perception of time. Everything froze on Saturday, including me; I am so numb. I can still see you, first thing Saturday morning, wearing your Baylor sweater, your hair straightened. I remember your smile greeting me, elated that you were going to see Joshua. I remember you insisting on buying me green tea and doing so against my wishes. I kept that bottle, Ash. I'm never letting it out of my sight. I remember hearing your voice over the telephone after I asked if you wanted to stop at Hruska's for breakfast, grateful that we were finally getting something to eat. And then everything slows down, gets blurry. I remember standing in line with you. I was on the phone, but if I had known those were the last moments I had to spend with you, I wouldn't have taken them for granted the way I took you for granted all the years we were together. I remember us walking out, excited that we were halfway home, and me saying, "I'll see you on the road, little lady." I hear your voice over and over in my head, Ash, replying, "Right back atcha, woman."

And then after that, all I can see is what happened. I can't erase it from my mind, Ash. Everytime I close my eyes I see it, over and over again, those three seconds that changed everything. Oh God, Ashley, everytime I see that scene I think about anything I could have done to prevent it. I think about anything and everything, Ash. I think about how I could've warned you to check your sides. I think about how I could've turned right instead of left, then U-turn after. I think about how I should've waited until there was a big gap of time where we could both go, one right after another. I can't shake it, Ash. I can't stop blaming myself. I know that's not what I'm supposed to do, but I can't bear to think that if I could've done just one thing differently, you could be with us right now, smiling, laughing, and just brightening our days. I can't stop blaming myself for leaving you, Ashley. That's the part that gets me the most. That I left you. I tried, Ashley, I tried so hard to get back to you. They wouldn't let me. They wouldn't let me near you. I just wanted to hold your hand... to let you know I was there... to let you know that you weren't alone. I tried so hard, Ashley, I fought to be by your side. Please forgive me, Ash, please... That's the last thing I want you to know, Ash, that I tried so hard, and that even though I wasn't there holding your hand, I was the closest I could be to you, the nearest I could get. You were never alone, Ash, not for real... I never took my eyes off of you, not for a second... I was there... I was there for you... I was there with you... you weren't alone, baby girl...

Ashley, it's not real. My heart won't let me believe it. There were so many things you aspired for. There were so many things I wanted to see you achieve. We were supposed to stay close throughout our lives. You were supposed to live in Bridlewood Estates with your husband, Gavin and Garrett. You were supposed to be the ninang of my first kid, remember? You were so excited... I was so excited, too, Ashley. You were supposed to be the godmother of my firstborn, help him or her the way you always helped me.

I saw you today, Ashley, and you looked so peaceful. I held your hand, played with your hair. I stroked your arm, I even got to see your pretty red toes. Despite all that, Ash, I still don't believe it. My mind tells me the truth, yet in my heart I have this false hope that someone is playing a huge joke on me, a joke that's not funny. I was begging for you to wake up, Ash, I was praying you would. I just can't believe it, Ashley... it's not real...

So many things I wanna say, Ashley... one thing I don't want to believe.

I miss you, woman. I miss you like all hell. It will never be the same without you.
  Tuesday (12/20): Viewing - Noon - 9PM
Wednesday (12/21): Viewing - 9AM - 9PM
Thursday (12/22): Wake & Funeral - Starts at 3PM

FOREST PARK WESTHEIMER FUNERAL HOME & CEMETERY
12800 WESTHEIMER RD
HOUSTON, TX 77077

For Driving Directions: Click Here

Hey c/o 2004 Bushies... (you knew this was coming!)...

That time of the year has come. The one haunted by finals yet blessed by loved ones, friends and family. The one that strikes you with a case of the empty pockets yet fills your heart with peace and good tidings. And you know what that time is...

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!

Okay, okay, just kidding. You know what I'm referring to. I'm referring to our THIRD ANNUAL SECRET SANTA PARTY. That's right. After three years, we're still going strong and in honor of the saying that goes, "Third time's a charm," let's make this one the best yet.


The projected date for the party is THURSDAY, DECEMBER 22, 2005. I haven't gotten any input from anyone suggesting any dates except from a few of you that said the party had to be held before the 23rd. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF THIS TIME IS GOOD FOR EVERYONE!!

Also, for the SECRET SANTA GIFT EXCHANGE, I will be sending everyone emails via our good friend, elfster.com. Therefore, I need your email addresses before WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 14, 2005. That is a week from today!! Get those emails to me ASAP. Here are the ones I have. Please shoot me a comment/eProp (cuz you know I love them eProps!), an IM (SN: notahickie), or even an email will be sufficient (jillianfortin@gmail.com). Here are the ones I have:

ddanda@mail.utexas.edu
mstevens@smu.edu
itsahickie@yahoo.com
datgurlmimi@yahoo.com
palaina@msn.com
lorilori307@yahoo.com
ctbuhay87@gmail.com
kevingacrama@mail.utexas.edu
skeihany@mail.utexas.edu
kazaam854@tmail.com
doandydo@gmail.com
apatel87@mail.utexas.edu
kevingacrama@mail.utexas.edu
allysonwonderland@sbcglobal.net
qhp@uchicago.edu
baovnguyen@yahoo.com




So please, get me that info. Also remember, the sooner you get it in, the sooner you get to develop your wishlist on elfster.com. You've got a week! Thanks, and happy holidays!